natural.evolution–

“huh?”
was my response lol
that was randomly said to me by a friend the other night
we’ve known each other 5 years. He’s been there. Through the boyfriends, non boyfriends acting like boyfriends etc. He claims that he is my “boyfriend” whenever I don’t have one lol. Which is kind of true. If I want to go to eat, chill at a quiet spot, go to a concert, disappear for a few days, talk about music or politics or even complain about folks I’m dating… he’s usually who I call. Earlier in the summer I talked about having one of the best dates (that didn’t start out as a date) ever. And it was with him.

So what’s the problem you ask?
Me.
I’m not sure what it is. Like I could see us dating but I couldn’t see us in the realm of this could be my mate forever.
forever is a long time.
and I don’t see him and I as being forever.
I love him to death though.love in the this is someone I enjoy having in my life as a friend and miss when they aren’t around. but not love as in I’m in love and get the butterflies when I see you love.

So anyway I never responded to his statement. Because I didn’t really know what to say.

Over the years I’ve never been able to really articulate how I felt about guys. there have been guys I’ve realllllly liked. But instead of letting them know I built up the defense mechanism and showed no emotions and had up that wall. Now that I’ve freed myself from that and am able to articulate how I really feel towards people. It will be me saying to someone I care about that I don’t know if settling down and “us” with ever happen.

So I guess I know what to say just not how to say it. Or maybe I know how I want to say it and I just don’t want to.