natural.evolution–

I’ve been MIA for a little bit
I was out of town celebrating a graduation (yaay to my cousin for getting her master’s)
I’ve been prepping for school and this new lifestyle program I’m participating in… along with regular work crap, freelance work and trying to squeeze a social life in there

I also had some more pause and reflect moments and decided that a relationship with a particular person just wasn’t in the cards
although he looked great on paper and is a really standup guy, in the end his world and my world weren’t going to connect in the way I hoped
and makes no sense IMO forcing something together just because it looks good and others want it to work

I know I’m growing up because my friend was like “do you know what he makes?!?”
I do
and that still has no bearings on me wanting to be with him
because in the end that doesn’t matter

sometimes I reflect on a relationship of the past and think about how my selfishness and insecurities really messed up a good thing…
was he all I wanted in a guy
not completely
but all the things I thought I wanted then are just minor details in the big scheme of things and not what is REALLY important
when I reflect I think wow if I hadn’t have been such a hardass then perhaps…
but one never knows and at this point I guess that ship has sailed
but I’m totally appreciative and thankful for that opportunity because he really helped me set a precedent of how I should be treated and how I REALLY should treat a guy

I feel a little more settled now in a lot of ways
I’m not saying I’m ready to sit down and pop out babies back to back but I think I’m really starting to fully grasp how I’d like for my life to be
I want a well balanced succesful life
Like this whole school thing it’s helping me connect and get an entirely different set of skills
and the degree is outside the tiny box I’ve been in the last four years since I got my master’s
this could take me in a entire other direction in my career and thats what I want to do
this lifestyle program I’m participating in…
I’ve seen it change peoples attitude not only about their health but just living a better wholistic life
I feel like thats an element that is going to make me who I see myself as
I have an entire series of lessons lined up for the summer
I’m getting back on horses again and I’m pulling out the clubs so I can head to the driving range
I’m trying to make a better me
not for anyone else but for me

so much work to do
but it’s nothing I can’t handle

Discovering God’s unique plan for our lives is both humbling and inspiring: humbling because though we are but a drop in the ocean, the Creator of the universe has a plan for our individual lives; and inspiring as that plan becomes revealed and our unique talents and attributes get put to work in carrying it out.

The past week has been busy. I kind of had an epiphany one night that I really needed to stop being so complacent and decide if I was going to really live the life that I want and desire to have. So in the past week I’ve made some major changes. I asked God for assistance and direction in what I need to do. In a span of a week school is paid for, the director of the program I want to do called me yesterday saying she got my info and is excited to have me…. I consolidated some things so that I was able to pay off every credit card which is a miracle in its self… I’ve gotten back into activities I love like community service and sorority/n p h c stuff… and I’m back to running and really trying to get my body how I want it to be.

God is really revealing things to me and showing me changes I need to make and he’s taking away some distractions that I didn’t really realize were effecting my life as much as they do. I’ve had some obstacles and people that have tried to distract me but I’m standing my ground. I’m knocking goals off my list and making strides so that I can be the best Christen and Christian possible.